When family history intersects

I was recently asked to be a speaking companion (by my cousin Cody Toone) and speak in sacrament meeting in the Leavitt ward.   The topic that I was given was "Redeeming the dead."   At first, for several days I was very overwhelmed with this.  I felt hugely inadequate and unaware of what to say on a subject that I personally have not a lot of experience.    In the end though, I discovered that I really do have a testimony of this important work.   Not only that, I really do feel a deep conviction that our loved ones are very much a part of our lives, even after we've been separated.   

This opportunity to speak reminded me of a cool experience that John and I had with Max several months back.   My father in law had come over for dinner (which he does every night) and on this particular evening he was telling us about a cool feature on Familysearch.org

He told of an ancestor of John's, (his great great Grandmother) named Mariah Loader, who travelled with her family as part of the Martin Handcart company.   I remember John's mom often speaking with so much love and respect for the loader family as well as the three young men (of that group) who famously carried so many across a frozen river.    Mariah's family is featured on the move 17 miracles, though Mariah herself is not really focused on.  

ANYWAYS- on this particular Sunday afternoon with Max, he was telling us about some info he'd found of Maria's and as he was showing it to us - I noticed a name that held particular interest for me.   The name mentioned in a few of Mariah's journal entries was that of John Toone.     John Toone is my third great Grandfather and as I read through the loader families journals, I was able to get a glimpse of who John Toone was.

The Loaders had emigrated from England to join the mormon saints.  Through a series of events, they ended up travelling as a family with the Martin Handcart company.   John Toone, though originally unknown to them, had been called on to join the Martin Handcart company and act as a guide.   He had made the pioneer trek two previous times and according to the journals, he was a skilled outdoorsman and his experience was much needed.    The loaders spoke often in their journals about John Toone and he seemed to have been very respected by them.   At one point, when one of the loaders girls had taken very ill, the journal mentions that they sent for John Toone "as he would know what to do."  

As I read through this with John and Max that night I could hardly contain my excitement!  
I LOVE the idea (well the reality) that my ancestor and John's ancestor knew each other, worked together and endured such adversity together!  

Elder Neil A Maxwell once spoke about the "intersecting of lives" that happens as we go through this mortal journey.  There are moments when paths cross in intricate and divinely assisted ways for reasons that may not always be understood.     I love the way that Johns ancestors story intersects with that of my own and I'm profoundly grateful for the example of all those who journeyed with the Martin Handcart Company.  

Lessons from meeting the Handsome Blue Guy

Okay.  

Clearly it has become important to me to journal/document some of our story before the blog, so please allow me to share just a few more things about my courtship with John that I want my kids to one day know.

1.

  Around thanksgiving 2000 a boy I had been dating (let's say is name was Matt.  Because it was) broke up with me.  Though I knew at the time that this boy was not the one for me, the realization that I was 20 years old, had had two boyfriends already and had somehow not found my true love yet - devastated me.   One day a roommate of mine came up to my room and sat on my bed to chat.   She explained to me that though there were lots of nice guys in Edmonton, she just had a feeling that my husband was not here.   That my husband was at BYU.    She encouraged me to consider applying for school down there.   Looking back, she may have just been trying to get rid of me (I did have the nicest room in the house) but her encouragement left me feeling very stuck.   There was no way I could go to BYU.   I couldn't afford it and I knew I'd never get accepted either.   I drove to the newly built Edmonton temple and sat in the parking lot.   As rain poured down around me (cue the melodramatic "woe me I'm 20 and not married music") I prayed to Heavenly Father to help me recognize who I should date in the future.   I explained that I can't go to BYU, but if the man I am supposed to marry is there, then please send him to me.   That was the prayer I prayed that rainy night.  

Just a month or two later, John moved up to Edmonton, from none other than BYU.   dum dum dum!

I share for two reasons:   a)  I like to think that John was quite literally an answer to my prayer.  b) I hope my daughters will never attend post secondary school with the same mentality that I had.   I hope they will leave home, spread their beautiful wings, worry little, and trust that God will always place the right people in their path!  And for heaven's sakes- if that doesn't happen until you are 38

- all the better!!!  (I like to think my daughters will handle life more maturely than me;)

2.

 John and I don't often talk about this (why would we) but there was a period of time in which we had actually broken up.   We'd been dating for a few months when things just sort of started to feel stale and when I asked John if he was happy to be dating (after a day or two of thinking about it) he responded that perhaps he was not.   Ouch, right?!  

Not really.

This time apart ended up being a really good opportunity for us to really consider what we wanted in a spouse.   Unlike previous breakups, I wasn't devastated, this time.   A part of me suspected that this could be temporary and I saw it as an opportunity to improve myself and to really work on being genuine.   John saw it as an opportunity to ask a couple of other girls out (haha).  Ultimately, two months after we had broken up, John asked if he could meet with me.  He told me that he had attended a hardy reunion of sorts and had run into his cousin Kendall and my sister Jewel.   He said that Kendall had asked him a question about our break up that had really got John thinking and he had come to the conclusion that we needed to give things another shot.   I wasn't shocked or elated either.   It just kinda felt normal and obvious but things were definitely better from that point on.   We both just kinda new that we would eventually marry,  only now we had the added advantage of being a little bit wiser and more genuine with each other.  

What I want my kids to always remember is that there is no perfect way to fall or be in love.
Forget every cheesy movie you'll ever watch.   Love yourself first and treat everyone you ever meet with as much kindness as you possibly can.  If you do that, I promise that your beautiful amazing life, a life full of LOVE, will unfold exactly as it should!

Oh, and one more thing.   Please kids - never ever be fake.

Ever.

If you aren't intentional about living true to who you are, I worry that you might one day find yourself sitting high up in a deer blind pretending that you like to hunt when you don't!   Okay, I'm not really afraid you'll do specifically that, but that is just an example of where you could end up if you pretend to be someone you aren't - just to impress someone.   Trust me, I was that person stuck in a tree.

It took finding your Dad for me to really want to be myself.   And perhaps, that is how you will know when you've found "the one" for you.   When you finally find that person in your life who's worth being real for.  (For me, thats your Dad.)  It's a pretty spectacular and comforting feeling.

The end

How I met THE Handsome Blue Guy

A couple of weeks back, I came across some old memories from my College days.   (We've moved so many times lately, it's a wonder I've held on to this box of memories, but I'm sure glad that I did!)  

In one of my binders, I found THE letter that first introduced me to John.

 A lot of people assume that (because my sister is married to John's cousin) John and I must have been set up.  The truth is - we met quite serendipitously and entirely all on our own!  (Though, I like to think we weren't totally on our own, right God?;)

It was late 2000 and I was living in Edmonton Alberta, finishing up my last year at Grant MacEwan. (I was naively taking Early Childhood because I figured that the only thing I wanted to do in life was get married and have babies.     Though I love that plan, I can see now that I should have gone on to get a teaching degree.   But alas, that's not what this post is about.)   Sooo...

I was finishing up my degree.

Had just broken up with a guy.

I was attending the Millcreek ward.

Had been serving as the YSA president for a year already.

Already felt that I knew everybody that there was to know.

John, on the other hand:

 had attended BYU and somehow managed to graduate without getting married (thanks again Heavenly Father!;) 

had moved to Edmonton to take his MCAT in Canada.   

Begun working at classic landscaping and a daycare.

Attended the Rainbow Valley ward.

Lived in a home with a group of guys that I occasionally pulled pranks on.

Somehow though, in those first few months after John moved up, our paths NEVER CROSSED!

The first time I saw John was when we both separately attended a Halloween party hosted by a common friend.   As I was leaving a room, my friends and I noticed a "new guy" that we had never seen before.   He was wearing all blue (blue hair and face too) and a grass skirt.   (that's how you dress up as "Bluegrass" folks!;)   At the time, I had no idea what he was dressed up as, but I told one of my friends that "that was the most handsome blue guy that I had ever seen!   

Sigh....

Anyhoo, much later (during Christmas break) I received a letter addressed to the "president of YSA."

It was a 3 page, handwritten letter, written by a John Hardy.   In this letter, he addressed several concerns that he had in regards to our bi monthly YSA dances.   Some of his concerns were that: 

a) the music was too loud  b) the lighting was too dim   c) the song choices did not lend itself to interactive dancing   d) it was difficult to meet/court girls at these events.... yadda yadda yadda 

He quoted our prophet, shared excerpts from the strength of youth pamphlet, included a survey taken within his ward, and offered several suggestions of how thing could be improved.   One of his primary suggestions was, get this - offering "social dance" classes before the dance and encouraging more line, jive, 2-step type dancing.  

Not gonna lie, I was a tad offended, and as I took his letter to my next committee meeting and read it out loud I was all like, "Who is this John Hardy?  I'm pretty sure he's come straight from BYU!"  

After we mocked the idea of social dancing a little bit longer, we concluded our meeting by deciding that we were all doing just fine.    Whoever this guy was, he would just have to get used to how our dances were.   Right?

A couple of weeks later, I received a call from none other than John Hardy himself.   He wanted to pick up the letter he'd given me so that he could type it out and give a copy to the stake president who oversaw YSA events.   He also wanted to know what my thoughts were on it all.   I politely gave him my address and we made plans to meet.   Imagine my surprise when he showed up the next day and I realized that JOHN HARDY was THE HANDSOME BLUE GUY!!!!!

I remember standing at the door telling him what FABULOUS ideas he had had and that my committee and I could not wait to implement some of them.  Oh, and of course we'd need his help too!  (but of course;)

Shortly after, the YSA committee (inspired by John) started hosting a more interactive activity night once a month as well as a new and improved dance once a month too.   You'll never guess what we started offering before our dances.    Yup- social dance classes!! 

John's and my first date was to the Sweethearts dance (which he was so helpful with) but I can't say we personally attended too many dances after that.   After a while, it just became obvious that we'd each found what we were looking for.

And the rest, they say - is History!