The Birds of Spring

Oh, this spring was good to us. 

It was slow. 

 It took its time coming and gave us lots of time to enjoy.

It was full of wildflowers, and evening drives and birds, many of which we'd never seen before.

We watched Hawks and Eagles and Ducks, and Geese and noticed their beauty in a new way.  I think it is because we had nowhere to go or be.  With athletic games, youth activities, school, and meetings of every kind canceled - we were gifted with the only thing needed to really enjoy spring ...TIME!

It's AMAZING what you notice when actually paying attention!

We were also lucky to find an American Bittern, a Blue Heron, Mountain Bluebirds, the most beautiful Tanagers, and Sandhill Cranes.  

Slowing down and making time to watch the birds is good for the soul.

North Drywood Falls

With COVID keeping us inside for much of the week, John and I resolved to find a new neck of the southern Alberta woods to enjoy.  A friend from work recommended a hike near Pincher Creek and I am sure glad we took her advice.   

After a very, very inactive February- April (literally spent in a recliner) I wasn't sure if I would be able to physically do a hike, but this 8km round trip stroll along an old service road proved to be the perfect length and level of difficulty to keep everyone in my family happy.  

I think this mountain chickadee just may have been the CUTEST thing I'd seen all week.  It was SO small, but its song could be heard from quite a ways off. 

I honestly think my kids get along better once we get them out of the house, away from phones, and back into the fresh air.   Go figure!

This was titled the North Drywood falls because after an hour and a half of walking, this is where you end up - at the beautiful North Drywood falls!

Of course, John and the kids had to pull over for a bit and try fishing at the nearby Butcher Lake.  

Unfortunately by the time we finished the hike, a cold rain had started to fall reminding us that none of us were prepared for changing mountain weather.  How have we not learned this lesson yet?!

They all fished with socks on their hands until they could stand the cold any more.  

We drove home with the heater blasting, had warm soup for supper, and took naps that were much longer than they should have been.  

This first hike of the season sure tuckered us all out, but it was a lovely one to enjoy!

The place to go when there's nowhere else to go

One of the silver linings of this COVID pandemic/isolation is that we have been forced to explore some of the more local areas, places we've perhaps overlooked for far too long.   When you live in an equal distance from two National Parks it is easy to forget about all the beautiful areas that exist in between - one of those places being Police Lake.   

We've been to police lake before, but this spring (after being cooped up inside for months) we enjoyed it with new eyes and a deeper appreciation for all living things.

For a good week or so, Jessica and I drove out here weekly in search of birds, because apparently, this is where ALL the birds come to play.     

We've heard tales of large trout being in this lake and we've seen a couple pretty good size trout, but so far John and the kids have not managed to trick one onto their lure. 

While they fish, Abby and I lounge around, read and snack on whatever food I may have had the foresight to bring out with us.  

We'd stay out until the sun had almost gone down completely, which is my absolute favorite time of the day.  Everything stills, almost stops, until all you can hear is the quiet lapping of the water as it meats the shore or the distant sound of a bird call as it drifts across the lake.  

And really, listening to the sound of a Loon or an American bittern - is not a bad way to end a day.  

Not at all.  

May...Marvelous May

After a grueling and trying few months trying to recover from my surgery, May marked the beginning of real improvement.   With each day of improvement, came warmer temps, added sunshine, and opportunities to enjoy the kids just a little bit more.  Some of the highlights from this past month:

The kids are still loving the trampoline and have grown quite creative in the games they play on it.  

With all of his newfound time, Nate has taken up baking.   I think he has realized that so long as he is baking, I won't nag him to do any school work.   (I know a good thing when I see it;). He's gotten so good, I don't even have to be in the kitchen to walk him through things anymore.   You just throw a recipe at him and watch him go!   He's actually started his own cooking show titled "High pants cooking."    So far his youtube channel has featured him demonstrating how to make crepes, cookies, and his most famous chocolate brownies - all while wearing his hiked up high pants. 

 Why the high pants?  Who knows!

His culinary explorations have even taken him to the BBQ as he is now the one John calls when he needs an extra set of hands at the grill.  

Don't let this fool you, Sam has NOT taken to baking in the kitchen.  He did find this one egg in our fridge though that would NOT crack.   For some reason (heaven knows why) he wanted to throw some eggs off our deck into Sunset Park and for some reason, I said he could (heaven knows why.)

For some reason though (I know what you're thinking) this darn egg would NOT break.  Sam chucked it hard, the egg went far into the field that our house backs on to, it landed just below a maple tree and honest to goodness - did not break.   

We thought this was the strangest thing.  Sam ran out and got the egg, determined to try again and low and behold it survived another long-distance throw!   Truth be told, it wasn't until Jessica ran out to retrieve it, but accidentally let it fall from her hand that it finally broke.   

Eggs are weird.  

So are my kids.

April and May consisted of many many trips to Calgary to see specialists and surgeons.   I felt grateful when I was finally able to make the drive myself.   I LOVE driving in rainy weather and on this particular day, leaving the Calgary sunshine behind and driving home into a sweet little storm made me happy. 

Mother's Day rocked. 

Lazy morning.  Church at home.  A plant from a ward deacon delivered to my front door.  A homemade banner from Jessica.  Yummy food.  Evening walks.   Presents.   

What else is needed. 

May brought us our first can cooker dinner of the summer!   

I love throwing everything from my fridge into this baby and letting everything stew and steam outside, while my kitchen stays nice and cool ...and clean;)

Top this with shredded cheese and ranch dressing and it just might be our favorite summer meal.  

Speaking of meals - our dinner table has been a lot more interesting since COVID came into our lives.   Nate's been known to show up in costume, which always makes for more exciting conversations at the table.   (I suspect the isolation is getting to him;)

We drove out to the Beazer cemetery one evening and were delighted to find a field full of crocuses, shooting stars and more.  Both Jessica and Abby instinctively hit their knees to photograph and smell the flowers and maybe pick a few too.

Sigh...May was good for us.  

A restorative, feel good, gift of a month!

When John wants to make me smile

There were two moments this past week when John blew me away with his grand display of thoughtfulness.  I think if you were to ask John, he'd probably shrug it off and callously say that he was just doing what I'd told him for weeks I wanted someone to do.  There is a chance he may have just been trying to shut me up, but I'm going to put this in the category of "Romantic Gestures" and not just ordinary old "Compliance."

For weeks, ...WEEKS I tell ya, I had been wanting to find some pussy willow branches.  

I love pussy willows!

They remind me of spring.  

They remind me of my Grandma.

They remind me of my childhood.

They remind me of everything good in the world.

I asked all around town, scoured back alleys, drove out to neighboring hamlets in search of them, and finally found a giant pussy willow tree at the edge of a campground right here in town!  Actually, I knew it was there all along but was hoping to find a tree not owned by the town.  For some reason the thought of pruning a public tree without permission scared me a little.  

Sam, Jess and I dressed in black one night and with pruner shears in hand, drove down and stealthy grabbed two pathetic twigs before running back to the safety of our getaway car.  It made me want to cry every time I looked at those pathetic sticks, and it made me want to disown Sam every time I recalled his ridiculous antics during that midnight caper.  

But still, there they sat, in my vase - two stupid twigs each one baring just a couple of pussy willows.

I was tired of searching.  Tired of trying.  

And then one day, at the end of a particularly discouraging day for me, I went into the kitchen to talk with John and low and behold ...

the most beautiful bunch of pussy willow branches ever! 

Does this picture do it justice?   Oh I hope this picture does it justice.

It is big.  The branches are big.  The pussy willows are oh so plenty and oh so soft.

  

As the story goes, John was running errands with Jessica when he took a little detour on the way home and stopped right in front of my dream pussy willow tree.   He pulled out a handsaw, and right then and there, IN BROAD DAYLIGHT, he walked up to that tree and cut off a limb, acting like it was no big deal at all. 

No cover of darkness?  

No black clothes? 

No jumping fence and whispering so as to not get caught?  

Who knew?

Sometimes late at night when everyone else is asleep, I go out into our family room and turn on just the one light that shines over this bouquet.  I sit on a couch and stare at this arrangement and think of how John gathered those branches for no other reason than that he knew it mattered to me.

And it really makes me smile.

We've been trying to create some flower beds throughout our front and back yards which has been really an enjoyable process.  One thing I've been hoping for is two Dogwood bushes.  I love the color of Dogwoods.   They are native to this area and you can trust that they will do well, and they remind me of my Edmonton days as they grew in abundance along the North Saskatchewan River.  

I think I could have probably ordered them from somewhere, but I also knew of a little ditch just outside of town where they were growing wild.   Again, I'm not sure if it is okay to dig up a plant that is growing wild or not, but I worried that doing so might get us in trouble.   I talked often about it, but you can bet I sure would never be brazen enough to just go take what I wanted from a ditch.

One day I came home from a doctor's appointment to find that, in true John fashion, he had gone and gotten me two of the most perfect Dogwood bushes I have ever seen.  

I hope and pray that this was legal and okay to do.

But you know, the thought that John is willing to face a fine, or jail, or worse, just to make me happy ...kinda makes it all feel worth it somehow;)  JUST KIDDING!  I really do hope this was okay to do.

It just kinda makes me smile.

Farm Getaway

My brother's farm is a magical, magical place.

After driving down a couple of weeks ago and having such a nice evening, the kids really, really wanted to go down again.  This time - they wanted to spend the night and thank goodness my brother was as gracious and accomodating as ever and gave us permission.  

We loaded up our sleeping bags, pillows, and food to get us through dinner and breakfast and drove down to our fast becoming favorite place ever. 

There are so many fun things to do on the farm.  This time we curiously followed the sound of cricketing frogs and walked through the east pasture down to the dugout.  As a young girl, this small dugout existed but was hardly filled with any water at all.  Now it is beautiful and full of life.   Apparently, the little frogs that live in this dugout are a rare species, something which has caught the eye of staff at the Calgary Zoo who come down to perform studies every now and then.   

We also watched a muskrat, who seemed to have this pool all to himself.  

 I drove Jessica a couple of miles up a road where we watched a couple of foxes gathered outside of their den and I noticed that each one of us took our turns walking around the farm, finding our favorite places.  These are a few of my favorite scenes that remind me most of the farm as a kid.  

I insisted on taking the kids five minutes down the road to Clear Lake.  It was a perfectly calm evening and I felt such a relaxed and peaceful feeling as I watched the kids run along the dock as the sky turned various shades of pink.  

As the sun went down we enjoyed a couple of rounds of Sabatouer, snacked on the yummiest s'mores ever, and settle in for a few episodes of M*A*S*H. 

We are very grateful for the chance to experience an evening and a morning on the farm.

With all parks, playgrounds, facilities, and events closed down, we can not think of a better place to disappear to. R&R at its finest!!!

Nate does Spring like this..

My kids are rocking this Quarantine so far. 

Don't get me wrong, there are arguments, lots of arguments, they have all the time in the world yet still have messy rooms, and the screentime limits are constantly maxed out - BUT this is a hard situation, and overall they've really maintained good attitudes as they've managed all the feelings.

It has helped that (and I say this with cautious hope) that Spring is here.  Being able to go outside has been a game-changer for sure, especially for Nate.  I thought I'd share a few ways that Nate is making the best of this COVID spring.  

1:  Morning cup of Tea Cider

Every day Nate makes himself a nice warm cup of Apple Cider.  Sometimes this happens in the morning, sometimes mid-day, and other times at night, but you can definitely count on it happening, at least once in a day.  He recently ordered himself this cool mug that shows the planets in our solar system, but when heated up, the cup reveals a whole bunch of facts and info about space.  So now as he downs his cup full of synthetic apple-flavored sugar each day, we can trust that he is also filling his brain.  This is how we are justifying things during this quarantine;)

2.  BBQ's always

I've started assigning one night each week where each kid is in charge of planning and preparing dinner.  Nate is obsessed with learning how to barbeque and none of us around here are complaining much about that.   You can also bet that if there is a Watermelon in the house, Nate's got a slice.  

Nate's been a bit lonely without his school connections.  He does his best to chat with them via Marco Polo, Zoom and Google Meet, but we've noticed he has constructed a few makeshift "friends" over the past couple of weeks as well.  There are his water balloon babies, life-sized cardboard man in the office, and now this plastic-glove-guy-on-a-stick.  Should we be concerned?  

We aren't, because we know that all connections are important for healthy social development. 

 (See?  There we go with the justifications again;)

We have been trying to lure some birds into our backyard.  We've set out food that we are told (via the packaging) will draw in Hummingbirds, Chickadees, Robins, Red-Winged Blackbirds, Blue jays and more.  We can't wait to watch these future winged friends.  Nate made himself a bird feeder using a toilet paper roll, peanut butter, and seeds. 

So far the sparrows and magpies are the ones loving it, which is not quite what we were going for there, but we try to see the beauty in every flying guest.  (Until those pesky things start pooping on my deck and then holy cow, they won't even know what hit 'em.)

Due to our excessive amount of time spent online each day, John and I decided that it was time to develop our backyard (more on that later) and create an outdoor space where the kids would want to be.   The first item of business - find a trampoline!   This may not sound too difficult, but amid a pandemic, when everybody and their dog has been asked to STAY HOME, trampolines are actually quite hard to find!  Perhaps every other parent in Alberta had the same need as us.  I certainly feel like I called every store in Alberta.  The answer I got was that the manufacturers were out of supply and stores everywhere were out.  When a store is lucky enough to get a shipment of say...26 trampolines...they sell out within the day.  (Curse you COVID!!!!).  Thankfully, I am shameless and had no problem at all putting out a plea on Facebook asking if anyone I know had an old trampoline they wanted to get rid of.   Within a day, a former neighbor of mine messaged me and told me she was moving, and for a small amount of money, we could have her trampoline if we were willing to come and get it.  Uhhh...by the time evening came - Nate was jumping away on his brand new (to him) trampoline!  

I love the creative way Nate and Jess set to work making this trampoline look good.  

Here's to a little less time inside more time outside enjoying spring!!!

A Purrrr-fect Afternoon on the Farm

A couple of weeks back my brother Chad posted an announcement to a family group chat, notifying us that their farm cat was a new mamma and they were the proud owners of 6 new kittens!

Somehow, Abby was often one of them (how does that happen?;) though all that really means is that she got to name it.  Little "Calcipher" is still going to live on the farm.  

One weekday afternoon we decided to go for a drive to see how our favourite family of felines was doing!   Chad and Heather were so kind about letting us go down to the farm, but due to COVID regulations, we had to make sure we went at a time when nobody else in the family would be there.  

I think it is safe to say that Abby is a cat lady at heart.  If we let her, she'd have brought all six of them home with her.  

When they are this cute and small, I think I'd take all 6 of them too!

When the kids weren't cuddling kitties, we also took turns shooting targets and exploring this place we love so much.

 We had so much fun, we didn't want to leave.  Even John agreed that it'd be wise of us to grab some dinner from town so that we could stay longer.  This pizza was my childhood. 

 Topped with green peppers, onion, sausage, pepperoni and shrimp - so yummy!

We tried to leave a message for Chad in the snow.  It was so nice of him to let us use his farm on his birthday! 

Oh, and I'll end this post with this picture which pretty much sums up how our perfect evening ended.

Easter

It was a different kind of Easter for us this year, what with the quarantine and all, yet we tried to make the best of it.  

Some highlights:

Egg Jousting!!  - Taught to us by my sister in law, Luci, this involves decorating a hard-boiled egg, creating a bracket, and competing to see who's egg is toughest of all! 

 (I beat out Grandpa in the final round, but do big deal;)

The Easter bunny managed to drop off a few things this year, and the holiday is never complete until we've made Rice Krispie nests for John.  

We've been having Grandpa join us each Sunday for Sacrament Meeting.   

Having church at home has truly been one of the sweetest parts of this pandemic.   

We've gotten to hear Grandpa speak a few times so far and it honestly seems like every single person is attentive and invested in the purpose of the meeting.  

This particular Sunday provided us with an extra opportunity to celebrate the best news this world has ever received - the news that He had Risen and the promise that we would too.

Hallelujah!

That time when everything fell apart

I've debated posting on this topic and then realized that the surgery I had back in February has continued to be a big part of our days, since.  Why would I leave it out?  

The surgery I had to have was called a Tram Flap procedure, due to some past preventative and reconstructive surgeries done almost a decade ago.    In short, after my mastectomy in 2011 I had reconstructive implants put in, only to find that that product has been recalled and it was recommended that I have them removed sooner than later.  Because this was prophylactic, I had a couple of options in front of me.  I could choose a two-hour surgery and do a quick swap, but that would require future surgeries and offered no guarantee that the new product used would be any safer.   The other option was to have an 11-hour surgery that involved removing the toxic implants and then taking abdominal tissue for the reconstruction.   The surgery would be substantially longer but came with an assurance that nothing synthetic would be in me anymore and I would never need to have another surgery again.  

For months I wondered, read, and prayed about this. 

In the end, I chose the latter, opting for the 11-hour surgery, and was booked in for Feb 11, 2020.  

For months I had to refrain from exercising/working out, and had to try to gain as much weight as possible, which certainly did a number on my overall mental health.   I won't lie, it was kinda nice to go through Christmas without worrying at all about what to eat, but by the time February rolled around, I was a mess.   I had never done anything quite like this before and I could barely handle the fear.   This picture was taken just a couple of days prior to my surgery and thanks to an extended amount of needed recovery time and the unwelcome arrival of COVID 19 - our kids have not gotten to play with their cousins since!

The fear I felt prior to my surgery on February 4 was unlike anything I have ever felt in my life.  

 The dread was profound and right up until the moment I went under, I questioned whether I was making the worst mistake ever.   All I wanted was to be on the other side of that surgery, awake and safe.  The actual surgery actually ended up only taking 9 hours, though it did take me a while longer to come out of sedation.   I was given a private 5 day stay in an ICU room where they monitored me closely to make sure the surgeons "work" had taken.   John was with me for the surgery but left the next day to return to work.  The days in that hospital were some of the loneliest I've felt in a long time, though I must acknowledge a few visitors:

  Every day a physical therapist came by to help me walk and practice certain basic gross motor skills.   It was exhausting and I didn't like being pushed, yet his visits offered a bit of variety to the otherwise monotonous day, so I was willing to play along. 

On day 2, my sister Jewel surprised me and drove up for a visit.   She painted my nails, did laps around the nurses unit with me, and left a bag of clothes she'd repurposed into something I could put on with ease and comfortably wear. 

My sister in law Rachel stopped by one evening as well and brought some sweet gifts, though it was the visit that meant the most.   

I worked really hard to get up and walking as often as possible, suspecting that if I could be seen being active, the doctor would feel compelled to let me go home early.  It worked like a charm!  I went in on a Tuesday morning and got to go home one day early on Friday.  

Oh, the relief I felt on that drive home.

I was so GLAD to be away from those gray walls, those smells, that food.   

I was welcomed home by four delightfully sweet and attentive kids, a warm meal, and a recliner that John had borrowed from his Dad.  John was so helpful and worked hard to make sure that kids were fed each day, school lunches got made, the house stayed clean and everyone got to where they needed to be each day.  He would get up at 3:00 or 4;00 each morning to top up my pain meds, help me to the bathroom, or adjust a pillow for me.  It was a level of care he has never had to give before and he gave it so willingly and without complaint.  I will forever be grateful for this service from him.  

I wish I could say that this was the end of my surgery story, but at four weeks post-op things changed, and not for the better.  In total I had four incisions on my front torso, one of them being about a foot and a half long.   For some reason a six-inch stretch of this incision reopened, and over the course of the next month, I would reopen two more times, each time requiring that I go to Calgary so that the wound could be debrided and restitched.   In the end it was decided that they would leave the wound open, pack it with iodine strips and let it grow in from the bottom up.  For weeks, I tried to manage this on my own, but as my overall health began to decline it became apparent that I needed more help. I was figuratively and coming unravelled.  It seemed as though there were two issues at play, hindering my recovery, and tests were done to see if we could get to the route of the problem.  

After meeting with many specialists, I was put on Plaquenil, a drug that is commonly used to treat Lupus.  Ten years ago I was told that I had seronegative Rheumatoid Arthritis, something of which I had been told had gone into remission a couple of years back.   The best my rheumatologist was able to suggest was that one of three things has happened:

1) My Rheumatoid Arthritis has returned contributing to post-surgery complication

2) Arthritis has actually turned into Lupus, which could explain the attack on my skin

or...what she really suspects...

3) I never really had Rheumatoid Arthritis, but rather Lupus all long.

I'm really not sure what explanation I prefer, but I do know that since starting the set course of treatment I have finally, finally begun to heal.   I feel strength returning, and my overall sense of well being has improved so much.  

A few times a week, a home care nurse helps me with this wound, and every day it is getting smaller and smaller.  

I have been grateful for the nurses, my sisters, and others who have extended such kindness and encouragement.   This has felt like a very lonely journey, but just when I think I can't bare the feeling, someone reaches out and reminds me that I'm truly never alone.  

I've been grateful for my kids who have been so thoughtful and left all sorts of uplifting/humorous notes around the house.  They have been the brightest part of my days over these past three months. 

I've been grateful for this quarantine, though I may be the only person around who would ever say that.  Going through this amidst the COVID pandemic has felt a little unnerving, but it hasn't been without a silver lining.   For one, Moroni's Quest has had to be postponed, which is a blessing in disguise as I just couldn't have been healed in time.   The closing of schools, cancellation of sports events etc has brought the kids home and slowed our schedules right down, which has again - been exactly what I've needed.   We give a lot less thought to "time" and that has been an incredible gift! 

This past week I joined my girls on a walk down by the creek.  It felt so good to be walking again, looking for snakes, and feeling the sun on my face.  

 Most of all, I am grateful to my Savior.  There have been moments where I have truly felt carried and sustained in a way that you only can when you feel like everything in your life is falling apart.  He has the power to heal every wound, soothe every heart, and comfort every soul.  My heart is full of gratitude for family, a home to be safely gathered in, and the healing and strengthening power that I know is at play in my life.

My life is good.