It's been a rough few weeks. I've been putting off writing on my blog because, well I've had nothing I felt was worth recording. Our days have consisted of the same monotonous routine. John goes to work, I spend hours at a time in bed, and the kids watch FAR too much TV. I've not cooked a meal for weeks so our meal times have been equally redundant. Ichiban...kraft dinner...repeat. I'm at the point in my pregnancy where SICK has set in and I can't believe I let myself forget this part of it. The morning sickness is more like All day Sickness and I feel like I could sleep for 8 hours and then fall asleep without a problem at night. Blah. I waft between feeling sorry for myself, and feeling guilty for the bad mom I've let myself become. Those emotions have pretty much consumed me and prevented me from feeling anything towards anybody else. Shame- I know.
Just when I felt like I couldn't feel any worse physically, I heard some news today that broke my heart. You see my biggest fear, MY BIGGEST FEAR as a mother, as I'm sure it is for so many of you as well, is the thought of losing one of my kids. Sometimes the worry from this has kept me up at night. Today as I was laying on the couch (I know pathetic) an Amber Alert came on the TV. A little 5 month old baby had just been kidnapped in Sherwood park. As the broadcaster continued to ramble off information about the stolen vehicle the baby was in, I felt myself saddened and listened in shock. Doesn't that make your heart ache? Somewhere at this very moment, my greatest nightmare has become one Mother's reality. I hope they find him soon.
It was enough to make me sit up straight and resolve to love my kids a little more and think of myself A LOT LESS. To just be glad that they are here, safe and sound. Another story dominating the news today was about two parents who's infant is literally dying and they are fighting to have her heart donated to another dying baby. I instantly felt ashamed for the lack of gratitude I have conveyed over the past several weeks. I'm keenly aware that some people would LOVE to be given the opportunity to have kids. Others would give anything to have kids who are healthy. Some would give anything to have their children safe at home with them? I have that all.
I am blessed.
Sometimes I just need a little dose of perspective.
Because how we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.
11 comments:
Wow Tanis what a great post, your kids are really lucky to have you as a mom.
Tanis you are such a good Mom! I am the same way when I am pregnant, and my biggest fear is the SAME as yours! It definitely puts things in perspective when you hear those sad stories! Hope that baby is found soon. That is so sad! Hope you start feeling better soon also!
Don't feel bad- sometimes we need to be 'not moms' too. And being a Mom is tough. I know you're probably a better mother than I am, and I'm sure you're doing a GREAT job (is it bad that I've NEVER layed in bed at night, worrying about losing a child?!!)
Hopefully you stop feeling sick soon!
Don't be too hard on yourself. Really, looking back your kids won't even remember you taking it "easy" for awhile because who have been sick and they definitely won't harbour any bad feelings towards you. But thanks for such a great post for helping me remember how blessed I am to have happy kids who are safe. You are such a great mom. Sure hope this passes soon for you and you get feeling better.
I was poking in my backyard after I heard the amber alert and there were helicopters and police sirens all around. I'm so happy the baby was found and is unhurt!
Tanis congratulations! So sorry to hear that you are sick. That is just the yuckiest feeling. Your little Sam is the funniest! Imagine how he processed you eating the baby...I had a good laugh over that one! Hope you get feeling better very SOON.
oh Tanis - I know how you feel! I hope that you start feeling better soon!
Yes, I gained the same perspective from it too yesterday! Thank goodness they found the baby! What a nightmare!!!
I'm sorry you're feeling so awful! Hopeful (fingers crossed) you can start to feel slightly human!
Tanis..this yucky stage shall pass. I do feel for your though! Hang in there! Meanwhile,I also really enjoyed Sam's Perspective on the side of your blog). He cracks me up! Seriously! I'm glad you wrote that one down!
That is sooo crummy you are feeling so sick. I hate being pregnant. It is so hard emotionally and physically. IT is funny how easy it is to forget how awful it can be. You are such a great Mom. Your kids are so lucky to have you.
Thanks for this post, Tanis. I'm just catching up on my blog reading, and it was exactly what I needed this morning, since I really DID NOT start out my day with Makenna very well. It's sometimes hard to put myself in her shoes and just be patient with her, but hearing those stories really puts what is important into perspective. Hope you have more good days coming up!
Post a Comment