A New Year

A few years ago, Nikki introduced me to the concept of  selecting a "word" to focus on during the course of the year.   A word that would motivate change and improvement that would reach deeper then a series of typical New Years resolutions.   I've loved doing this ever since.   Of course, I do set a few specific goals each year but those mostly pertain to my hobbies and love of art.  For the most part,  I like choosing a word that keeps me aiming for self-improvement as a whole.   Last year, my word was FOCUS and I have to say it was no doubt a year that required more "focus" then I ever imagined.    From the very beginning of 2010 I was confronted with opportunities to focus on what mattered most to me and try to worry less about the things that didn't.    By mid July,  learning to focus had became a very tangible coping mechanism that would see me through perhaps the most difficult and personal experience I've gone through yet.

When I think back to six months ago, as I was just learning about Rheumatoid Arthritis,  my memory barely does justice anymore to the pain and fear that I felt at that time.  I could barely move!   Every joint was swollen, stiff and full of pain.   I was tired, and just overall ill.  Worse then that though- I was afraid.  Not just afraid- but scared.   Full of doubt.   Completely hopeless.   And incredibly self absorbed.   In fact, I had gotten quite used to feeling sorry for myself and for all I knew-nothing was ever going to change or improve.     It was on one of those days that I decided to take a drive out to Waterton - just because.   As I neared the mountains I was struck by the beautiful autumn colors, and I could literally feel my hardened heart soften - just a little bit.    The park was empty and quiet and I felt peacefully alone.  As I drove around I felt such gratitude for the beautiful scene that was illuminated before me, and I hadn't felt gratitude for a long time.   It was a very simple scene, one that I'd enjoyed lots before on previous trips to Waterton.   However, on this particular day it all seemed illuminated by a burst of sunlight that washed over the park as the clouds moved by.   It was then that I realized something that I had not been willing to see before.

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!!!   Even better then that, MY life is Beautiful!   Even amidst trial, and set backs, and disappointment - it is still beautiful.   The trick is to just be willing to SEE IT!    Somehow I had trained myself to focus on the negative and completely miss all of the good that I was surrounded by.

Now that is a true weakness.

So that brings me to my goal for 2011.  My Word.    THE concept/idea that I hope will dominate my thoughts, motives and actions for the next year.   Inspired by the idea that LIGHT is stronger then all of my doubts, fears and weaknesses ... my word for this next year is:

Illuminate:  
to provide or brighten with light

Synonyms:  brighten, highlight, ignite, kindle, better, define, edify, enlighten, illustrate, improve, instruct, perfect, polish

Antonyms:  cloud, complicate, darken

I was drawn to all that this word entails and it's synonyms specifically have inspired me in so many ways.   I want to BRIGHTEN the lives of those I love by treating them better.   I want to HIGHLIGHT the good in others as well as myself.   I want to IGNITE a fire of testimony that I know lies within me.   I want to be a BETTER wife and mother.   I want to become more ENLIGHTENED and spend my time more wisely.   I want to INSTRUCT my children more in the things that are most important.  I hope to POLISH my talents, and IMPROVE in all of those areas where I am weak.  (Heaven knows there are many.)  

In short, I want this year to be one that is full of LIGHT!  Not because it will be perfect, but because I will see it that way-just the same.   

Sounds simple enough right?